“It’s Time To Be The Man”

“I mean to make myself a man, and if I succeed at that, I shall succeed in everything else.” — James A. Garfield

Contrary to popular belief, it’s a lot tougher to be ‘The Man’ than people think. Most people think being a man is an easy job and that men should be quiet about their issues. Although there are some advantages, there is also a lot more that meets the eye. I’ll give you a prime example: it’s men’s mental health awareness month. How many ribbons have you seen attached to the corner of somebody’s profile picture? Father’s Day was less than a week ago and how many of us are already back in the dog shed? How many times this year has anybody turned to you and said, “I am proud of you. You are doing a great job. I hope you succeed in your endeavors.”?

I’m not here to compare struggles of anybody nor any race. I’m not here to start any shit, I’m simply here to lay down the facts. According to USA Today, in 2021, men accounted up to 80% of suicide deaths… I will save you the time of reading that line again by spelling it out for you. In 2021, 8 out of 10 men committed suicide. Did you see a commercial about it? Did CNN make it a national headline? Nope. Swept under the rug like the Lakers this past season.

Why is that so? As kids, we were taught to keep everything to ourselves and “never let them see you sweat”. As young men, whenever we expressed our emotions, we were instructed to “stop being a little bitch.” It may not have came from family. Your basketball coach probably told you that. Your friends probably told you that. Hell, your woman probably told you that. All of these influences have led to men keeping their emotions bottled up and it puts us an extreme disadvantage. All it takes is one wrong move, a sequence of negative events, one slick comment during an argument and the chair is kicked. (That can be taken literally or metaphorically)

It’s completely unfair to disregard how men feel as we we’re also taught to be strong for everybody else. It’s insensitive to neglect a man because of his feelings. It’s dismissive to think that because we are men that we don’t have touchy subjects that we don’t want touching us back. But who cares ya know? As long as the bills paid, the lights come on, it’s food in the fridge and an occasional flex from time to time, as men we don’t get the credit we deserve.

Some of the cons we endure as men range from feelings of inadequacy, failures in our careers, mental turmoil or just flat out snapping and lashing out when we don’t feel validated. All of these feelings above is enough to make a grown man go crazy but you ready for the crazy part? As men, that’s how it’s always been. We were designed to thrive in pressure like this. We’ve always been slept on or told (whether directly or indirectly) that it’s impossible. I hate to get super cliche but even the word impossible says “I’m possible.”

See as men, we’ve lost our ways. We’ve put faith in everything else except ourselves. Once we stop complaining about the shortcomings of our life and start to put the work in, we always find away. We were born with resilience. We were born with a certain level of determination to accomplish any goal we set out for. We’ve allowed ourselves to give our power up for pussy but the secret I just realized is that when you recognize your power, you can take control of your life.

As I’ve said in previous post, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. For all of the cons that I’ve listed, they can easily be switched into a positive attribute. In my next book, I’m going to talk about “Stoicism” and how for men, it’s the way of getting back to our true selves. Stoicism teaches us that we should only focus on what we can control and accept the things we can’t. It also teaches how we should embrace the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.

We can’t control how people feel about us but we can control how we feel about ourselves. I mentioned a few posts ago, that the grass is greener where you water it and stoicism teaches us the way. As men, our greatest gift is the ability to separate emotion from logic. We understand that our dreams are going to take time to manifest, but as long as we continue to press forward, eventually we will get there.

As the opening quote says, at the end of the day, my goal is to make myself a man. If I can succeed at that, I can do anything. It’s immature to think that having a ridiculous body count is what makes you man. What makes you a man is how you handle adversity and the mindset you carry through it. Yes, you will be in pain most days, but will you whether the storm or let the rain flood you out?

The greatest victories in life have been from people who are able to focus on the tangibles. As men, it’s time we take our place on the throne and follow suit. We can’t convince anybody that our goals are worth being patient for. We just have to set out on our journey and take care of business. How do I know this, this is my life currently. Everyday I’m in pain. Everyday I hurt physically and mentally but the stoic teachings and optimistic mindset have carried me through my darkest days. They will continue to carry me until the deed has been done.

We’ve came too far for this to be it. Especially for us who are in our 30’s. It’s not too late to make shit happen! All the people we look up to that are movers and shakers are in there 40’s and up. If they can do it, why can’t we? It’s time we start putting that same energy that we put into courting into chasing our dreams. Women were here before us and they will be here after us, it’s time to tap in on our vision to provide the proper life for the generations to come.

Starting today, fellas, take our power back. If you aren’t getting supported the way you feel like you should be supported, don’t hold resentment in your heart. Believe in yourself and watch the difference in your life. If you aren’t being validated, validate yourself. Remind yourself that you are HIM, 1 of 1, highly qualified, heavily modified (mentally). Reinvent yourself. There’s a version of you in the multiverse that doesn’t see limitations and I’m encouraging you to find that version of yourself.

It took a while for me to find that version but ever since I have, I can’t go back to my old way of thinking. You’re going to make mistakes, that’s a part of being a man. You’re not perfect, never will be. But as long as you make strides in the right direction and handle your adversity with purpose and intention, YOU WILL NEVER LOSE!

Adjust your crown, king! If you’re down mentally right now, dust yourself off and keep going. Be proud of yourself again. Tap into your inner stoic and sharpen up your mental health. Read more books and apply the message. If it was easy, you know the rest! It’s time we get to work.

• SB